You know you’ve made the switch to e-books when…

You know you’ve made the switch to e-books when…

  • You run your finger along the top of a paperback before you set it down to put it to sleep
  • You refer to Barnes & Noble as “that coffee shop”
  • You stare steadfastly at a word on a page in a hardback, willing it to give you its definition
  • You forget to put a bookmark in a paperback, assuming it will remember your page when you open it again
  • Your significant other asks you for the entertainment section in the newspaper, and you aren’t sure if it’s okay to share it
  • You go on a vacation and pack your Kindle in its own otherwise empty carry-on…just for old time’s sake
  • It bothers you that all the books on your bookshelf at home aren’t the same height
  • You hear that line in the old Patty Duke Show theme, “one pair of matching bookends”, and have no idea what it means
  • Your kid says the school needs some newspaper to make a paper mache swan…and you pay somebody ten bucks for an old one
  • You have no idea when the next library bag sale is
  • You try to teach your dog to fetch the welcome mat…because there’s nothing else interesting on the stoop
  • You had no idea the Winter Olympics were on…you thought Scott Hamilton was talking about Hans Brinker
  • You realize you misplaced your reading glasses…three weeks ago
  • You think a “bookworm” is a computer virus
  • You’ve forgotten that the Amazon is a river is South America
  • Somebody asks you what you are reading, and they walk away before you finish the list
  • You are afraid to read Thomas Wolfe, because you really want to go Home again
  • You’ve used the word backquote in conversation
  • You’ve stopped folding your laundry, because you figure if your Kindle can’t have folders, neither can your family
  • The coach asks you to line up by last name in your gym class…and you can’t decide which one is your last name
  • You open your menu in the restaurant expecting to see what time it is
  • You refuse to pay more than $9.99…for anything
  • You refer to your group of friends as a “bundle”
  • You don’t know who wrote the book you are reading
  • Your friend went on a blind date, and you ask if they 1-clicked with the other person
  • Your Significant Other says, “We need to talk” and you ask to hear a sample before deciding if you want to have the conversation
  • The color changes on the stoplight and you can’t remember which one is red
  • You start referring to your clothes as “covers”
  • You put a TrackItBack sticker on your kid
  • You refer to a night with your Sony as “going EPUB crawling”, so people will think you actually left the house
  • You go into a police station to file a “missing Harry Potter” report
  • Your very happy to not have to carry two books with you, in case you finish one…but you always have a booklight and headphones
  • Your Kindle has more outfits than a Barbie doll
  • You put a Kindle on your kid’s head when you mark the wall to show how much they’ve grown
  • Your Significant Other has forgotten what your nose looks like
  • You look at bookshelves at Ikea and think they might be too big.  Then, you wonder how they would look with flowers or canned goods on them
  • You know the difference between a curricle and a cabriolet
  • You’ve actually read for fun those books they made you read in high school
  • You can’t believe how thick paperbooks are
  • You put your finger on a chapter name in the table of contents in a paperbook…and when it doesn’t take you there, you close it, drive home, and try it again
  • You’ve read a book in your shower…inside a Ziploc bag
  • On the other hand, you once sat in your car for three hours waiting for the rain to stop…because you left your Ziploc in the trunk
  • You’ve stopped capitalizing proper nouns that start with “N”…since you got your nook
  • You really hope that attractive stranger doesn’t come and ask you a question, because you’d really like to just sit there and read
  • You choose your restaurants based on how the lighting is
  • You’ve actually used your booklight in a movie theatre waiting for the show to start
  • You lost weight, quit smoking, and started exercising because you figured out you can’t finish your to-be-read books until you are 98
  • You have a charger for your EBR in more than one room
  • The battery in your flashlight dies…and you mail it to Ray-O-Vac for a replacement
  • You bought a Solio solar charger for your EBR, in case an electromagnetic pulse wipes out all technology
  • You wonder why the Alexandrians didn’t just download the books again
  • You hope you get stuck on the tarmac for at least an hour
  • You’ve decided that the old saying, “The best things in life are free” must refer to books
  • You can name more people from an online forum than you can name coworkers
  • When you move, you don’t have to buy any of those extra sturdy boxes…and your friends who help you move still like you
  • You have ever called your Significant Other by the name you gave to your Kindle
  • You have tested out a new purse before buying it by slipping your EBR inside
  • You can close your eyes right now and put your hand on your EBR
  • You refer to hogging your TV remote control as “Digital Rights Management”
  • You wonder if it’s possible to get an expansion slot for your head
  • You think less of a friend because they bought a different EBR than the one you use
  • You are happy you broke your leg and are stuck in bed for a month
  • You won’t buy a house until you check how the 3G coverage is
  • You always pronounce the word “read” as “reed”
  • You actually “reed” through a thousand words of the ways that you know you made the switch to e-books ;)

Do you have any other good ones?  Let me know!

Disclosure: I am required to disclose that TrackItBack sent me some stickers after I mentioned them.  I did not know ahead of time that they were going to do that.

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog.

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6 Responses to “You know you’ve made the switch to e-books when…”

  1. Joan Price Says:

    This is wonderful! I’m about to tweet it.

  2. LuvMyKindle Says:

    Loved this, Bufo! Once again, you are so creative and clever. You’ve got some really good ones in there…too many to mention, and they made me laugh out loud. A few made me think to myself, “oh good…not that far gone, yet” and some, “yep, guilty,” and/or “so true,”and the one about the movie theater is one I haven’t done yet, but had already planned on doing next time I want to see a movie right away that none of my friends want to see – can’t wait to take KiKi to her first movie outing….

    • bufocalvin Says:

      Thanks, Luv!

      I’ve actually done the movie theatre thing. It was especially dark (I can usually get by upping the text size…I have good night vision), but that was not going to happen in this theatre. The funny thing was that I ended up using the booklight to help some people who couldn’t see as well find a seat. :)

      We always remember taking our offspring to a movie for the first time…Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Even at a very young age, this kid had a long attention span. The length of the movie was okay…but we had to hold the seat down…not enough weight at that age to keep it from flipping back up! However, eating popcorn while watching the screen? That’s apparently instinctive. :)

  3. Valarie Says:

    Hilarious! My favorite is the folders one, and I am so guilty of a lot of the others. Living in Oregon where it rains all the time, I don’t actually use a ziploc bag to protect my Kindle in the winter, but I do drop my entire purse in my backpack and then cover it all with an umbrella. And before I got my Kindle, I never used an umbrella here.

    Thanks for the laugh today, those were great!

    • bufocalvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, Valarie!

      I’m glad I could give you a happier day. :) I’m in the San Francisco Bay Area, and a lot of people don’t know this, but we will get weeks of daily rain. I don’t tend to carry an umbrella for myself, so the ziploc works for me.

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