Sony, the Kindle Slayer

For every innovation, there is an opposing one.

It will try to take the buyers, the bloggers, and a share of the market.

Sony is The Slayer.

SCENE: Sonydale High School: the library.  Sony, a cheer-reader, has transferred into the school just before the winter break.   She enters the emply library, where she has been told she can pick up her textbooks.

Sony: “Hello?”

A tall British gentleman with glasses addresses her.

Librarian: “Hello, Sony.”

 Sony: “How did you know who I am?”

Librarian: “It’s a small town.  There are very few readers in it.”

Sony: “Who are you?”

Librarian: “I’m OverGiles, the librarian.  I believe I have what you need here.”

OverGiles puts a large, leatherbound book on the counter.  It appears to be very old, and in fancy script is titled, “To Kill a Kyndle.”

Sony: “Don’t get all Oberon on me with your Gucci book bag.  I’m just here to get my textbooks.”

OverGiles: “Readers don’t have textbooks.  And you know what a Kindle is.  You’ve faced them before.”

Sony: “Maybe I have, and maybe I don’t want to do it again.   Maybe I just want to mind my own business.”

OverGiles: “But Sony, Kindles are your business.  You know you’ll have to face them eventually.”

Sony:  “Why don’t you do it?”

OverGiles:  “I am only the librarian.  However, I can help you.   Together, we can defeat them.  The Kindles don’t have a librarian.”

Sony:  “Yes, and I’m sure that’s what all the cool kids care about.”

OverGiles:  “The Cool-er kids don’t have a librarian, either.”

Sony:  “Funny.  I was here before the Kindles, but they totally took over my table in the cafeteria.  What chance do I have?”

OverGiles:  “You have a touch screen.”

Sony:  “Skeevy, much.  I think I’ll go hang with the Playstations.  Gotta e-book.”

OverGiles:  “Wait!  Don’t abandon hope yet.  I have recently found a way to give you a wireless connection.”

Sony: “You mean, I’ll be able to go anywhere I want, just like the Kindles?”

OverGiles:  “Well, no.  But you will be able to get books without a cable…”

Sony: “I can get Pride and Prejudice while they’re on Facebook?   Yes, that is the same.  Look, I’ll think it over.”

Sony turns and leaves.  In the hallway, she bumps into a small reader, knocking her over.  Sony helps her back up:

Small reader (in a quiet, mousy voice):  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I should have looked where I was standing.”

Sony: “It was my fault.  You don’t need to apologize.”

Small reader:  “Oh, sorry.”

Sony:  “What’s your name?”

Small reader:  “I’m Plastic Willogic.  Thank you for helping me up.  You’d better get going.   You may not want to be seen with me.”

Sony:  “Let me worry about that.  Who’s your friend?”

Willogic:  “Oh, I’m sorry, I should have introduced him.  I was just so distracted, what with the falling and all.  He’s IRexander.”

Sony:  “Hello.”

IRexander (smiling):  “That’s the most a Sony has said to me all year.  You don’t mind if I write that down, do you?”

Sony:  “Suit yourself.”

IRexander:  “Listen, I couldn’t help overhearing what you were saying with the librarian.  Well, I could have, but I didn’t.  Are you really going to fight the Kindles all by yourself?”

Sony: “Well, if you two aren’t doing anything, I could use some help.”

IRexander: “Not doing something is one of the things I do best.”

Willogic: “Don’t mind him.  Would you really want us to help you?”

Sony: “Sure!  I think we could be a great team!  What good is Scooby without Shaggy and Velma?”

IRexander: “Wait.  Which one am I?”

Sony (to Willogic):  “Does he do that all the time?”

Willogic: “Yes.  He thinks he’s funny.  He might be…I’m not a very good judge of humor.”

Sony: “Come on, you two.  Let’s go back and see OverGiles.  This looks like the start of a beautiful friendship.”

IRexander:  “And a horrible battle which none us might survive.”

Willogic (to Sony): “Is that true?”

Sony: “It isn’t not true.  But look: has school ever been anything else for you?”

Willogic smiles slightly and shakes her head no.  The three of them re-enter the library.  OverGiles is putting a book on a shelf, and speaks as he turns.

OverGiles: “May I help you?”

Sony: “That’s what you wanted to do five minutes ago, right?’

OverGiles: “Sony!  I’m so pleased you’ve returned.  Have you made a decision?”

Sony: “We have.  These are my friends.”

Sony, Willogic, and IRexander smile.  After a hesitation, OverGiles joins them.


This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog.


4 Responses to “Sony, the Kindle Slayer”

  1. LuvMyKindle Says:

    Oh, Bufo, you’ve done it again! This was hilarious and clever. Witty, sneaky, and subtle, too. Hee hee. In addition to that, for some unknown reason, I liked the “Not doing something is one of the things I do best” line, which can apply to many people and things.

    I have been enjoying your blog and find it very informative. It’s obvious to me that you spend a lot of time doing a great deal of research as well and I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the information and perspectives you share here – Thank you!

    • bufocalvin Says:

      Thanks, LuvMyKindle!

      Gee, does going back and watching the first four episodes of Buffy really count as research? 😉

      Actually, the one that’s been a ton of research is the Google settlement…still reading through the associated material.

      I did like that line, too! I was inspired by the snarkiness in the original series. I kind of thought I had “Willogic”‘s cadence better, but that IRexander may have gotten the best line…

      Thanks again!

  2. Caroline Says:

    As someone who loves both the Kindle and Buffy, I salute you. 🙂

  3. Sony e-books go to Kobo | I Love My Kindle Says:

    […] Sony, the Kindle Slayer […]

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