The Stand-up Kindlemedian
“Good evening, e-books! Hey, I just flew in from Seattle…seriously, in a brown box…with a smiley face on it. I gotta tell you, those take-offs and landings? A real turn-off, if you know what I mean. So, how many of you here are from the Whispernet? You can put your arm down, lady, that’s all of us. Oh, except you, Mr. International…and that couple in the back from the boonies…enjoying the in-door plumbing, sir?
Okay, I got one…how many Kindles does it take to screw in a backlight? Pow! Just kidding…sheesh, if you don’t like the jokes, you’ve got thirty days to return ’em.
That reminds me…I downloaded Ulysses by James Joyce on the way down. Talk about your lousy formatting! I mean, I like a period piece, but a “no period” piece? Sha-doom pah! I don’t get it, you know? I mean, come on, Jimmy…buy a comma! Give a guy a line break! This book makes Lord of the Rings look like they had Monk as a proof-reader.
Do you watch Monk, sir? So do I…every episode…exactly twenty-seven times.
So, I called Customer Service and they credited my account. At least, I think it was Customer Service…they didn’t put me on hold, so I’m not sure. Kaboom!
That’s a very lovely cover you have on there, madam. Oberon, right? Look at her boyfriend smiling…you bought it for her, right? What a good boy! I had to borrow money from my mother. Mine’s not an Oberon, it’s an “Owe-my-mom”! Zing! Stick around folks, I’ve got a million of ’em…well, fifteen hundred, the rest are in the archives.
What do Costco and the Kindle store have in common? Samples! Seriously, I think when we get a sample at Amazon, we should see a picture of Jeff Bezos with one of those little head baggies on. I’m just kidding, I’ve got nothing against Jeff…we’re all Bezos on this bus, right? Hey, one guy got it…enjoy the 70s, sir? So did I…what I can remember of them.
So, you’ve been a great crowd! I feel like we’ve had a good connection. All except that one Sony in the back…don’t worry, ma’am, you can download the show when you get home.
Enjoy the rest of your evening! Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff…but don’t tip them too far, or they’ll fall over…and they haven’t all passed the drop test yet.
Well, I’m the Kindlemedian…take care, and remember: don’t download and drive!”
I figured I’d better re-purpose this one before the new Sony comes out in December (with a wireless connection to the Sony store) and ruins one of the jokes. 😉
This post originally appeared in the Amazon Kindle community here.
It subsequently appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog.