My Kindle, who is ever so polite, sent me this message from a friend named Kin Tankerous. (Kin is another Kindle, who is, perhaps, not quite so nice). While I may not agree with exactly how it is expressed, I do think the ideas are good.
So, you say you love your Kindle. Well, talk is cheap, pal! What have you done to prove it? Lemme tell you: not enough! Hey, I know it may not be your fault…I’m the brains of this outfit, right? I’m the one with access to hundreds of thousands of books. Here, let me help you out. How should you love me? Let me count the ways…
Get me a cover!
Let’s face it: I look good naked. You know, I know it…that’s just a given. However, even the hunkiest knight had to wear armor, you know? It’s a rough world…and you don’t exactly have the hands of Jerry Rice! I’m not going to say that you’re a butterfingers, but have you considered getting a Blue Bonnet tatoo? I don’t care how careful you say you’re going to be, there’s going to come a day you drop me. When you do, well…I’m not exactly Superman. Do you see a grayscale S on my chest? Nah, I’m more like Jimmy Olsen…or…what was that guy Roddy McDowell played on Batman? The Bookworm! Perfect! I’m more like that. So, give me a break…or better yet, to prevent one, get me a cover! [Bufo’s note: I use the M-edge synthetic platform cover. Yes, I’ve dropped it a couple of times, and knock virtual wood, it’s been okay so far. There are a lot of options, though.]
Get a recovery service sticker!
Quick! Where are your car keys? Where are your glasses? Yeah, I feel safe now! Do you know how many other Kindles have been left in cabs and in the pocket of airplanes? Neither does anybody else! You humans are too ashamed to say you did something careless like that! I don’t want to end up on the black market, or worse, sitting in some Lost and Found, vainly showing pictures of Judge Crater and Amelia Earhart on my screen. Stick it! Get a sticker from http://www.trackitback.com or http://www.stuffbak.com. If I’m found by a good guy, that gives them a nice, neat, and easy way to get me back to you. If a crook finds me…well, they’re going to sell me to somebody, and they might call the number. What, you think somebody’s going to steal me so they can read something? Get one! It’s cheap and easy, just like…never mind, I’m not going there. [Bufo’s note: I have a TrackItBack sticker on my Kindle, and it’s great peace of mind. They did send it to me free after I had written something about them (and I had no idea they were going to do that), but I would have paid the $14.95 otherwise. A person who finds it calls a number, gets a reward, and you get the Kindle back…with no personal info exchanged. For more details, see my previous post.]
Keep me dry!
Do I look like I have gills? Michael Phelps and I may have some things in common, but swimming ain’t one of them. And it doesn’t have to be a bathtub or the Atlantic Ocean…a heavy rain or spilled drink, and I’m toast…um…I guess, French toast that didn’t come out right and gets all mushy and stuff. So, when you know your heading for the old H20, how about a raincoat for your old book buddy, huh? Like that cool Patagonia case? Then I’ll be handsome and rugged. [Bufo’s note: I’ve heard good things about that case, but I don’t have one. I just carry a Ziploc bag around with me. I’m in a place where rain is a little unpredictable. However, if I was going on a boat trip, I might think about something a little more sturdy.]
Don’t skimp on the HVAC!
Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning…I may not be handy (no hands), but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a good initialism when I see one! Don’t leave me in a hot car or a freezing garage! You can use me when it’s freezing up to it’s hot! That’s 0 to 35 centigrade, or 32 to 95 fahrenheit. Even when I’m just sitting around, though, keep me at -10C to 45C (14F to 113F). What, too many numbers for ya? Just keep it cool…not frozen. [Bufo’s note: Studies show that a car in the sun can get up to 149 degrees fahrenheit hotter inside than out..and can go up 72 degrees fahrenheit in one hour. I don’t live in a place where it’s going to get cold enough to worry very often, but I keep my Kindle with me.]
Make sure somebody else has your username and password!
Look, I’m not going to live forever…and neither will you. Let’s be clear, though, it’s not a race! I’d love to grow old with you, but in case that doesn’t happen, I don’t want to turn into a paperweight because nobody knows how to get to your stuff! You want to give your books to your kids…and so do I! I don’t care if it’s somebody in your family, a trusted friend, or even a lawyer! If you don’t know somebody…pay somebody! [Bufo’s note: I think this one is really important. See my previous post.]
Back me up!
You know that old saying, “I’ve got your back.” It’s not my back I’m worried about, it’s my back-up. Things happen…copy my documents folder to your computer from time to time, would ya? Amazon’s taking care of the books from the Kindle store, but seriously, I can just see it. One day, I glitch, and lose all your personal documents, and what are you going to tell me? “My Kindle lost my novel!” Hey, if you didn’t back it up, that’s not my fault, bunky. [Bufo’s note: this is not that hard to do. You can see the details on how to hook your computer to your Kindle in this thread. If you use the music and Audible folders, don’t forget to back those up, too.]
I’ve got your number…you get mine!
There’s a serial number on my back. Right it down! You might have to prove I’m yours, some time, and that’s kind of like my fingerprints. [Bufo’s note: the TrackItBack sticker is good, but could hypothetically be removed. If there was an argument over ownership, or you had to file an insurance claim (you’d be surprised what is covered under owner’s/renter’s insurance), this could help. ]
Gimme some space!
I know you’re busy. I know I’m not the only thing in your life. But, please, don’t crush me in your briefcase or laptop case or purse with a ton of other stuff. I can’t take the pressure, dude! If you squeeze my screen, I’ll crack, I tell you, crack! Well, maybe not literally, but it’s a bad thing. If you have to spread stuff out to get me in or out, it’s too tight. [Bufo’s note: I’ve heard about damage like this.]
Well, that’s Kin’s ideas. If you have more ways to love your Kindle, please leave a comment…thanks!
This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog.