The Real Book Experience (with ads)

The Real Book Experience (with ads)

Note: this is a work of humor. The Real Book Experience app does not actually exist.Β 

Ed: “Hey, Sula, come check out this new app I got!”

Sula: “What is it?”

Ed: “It’s called the Real Book Experience. It’s a front end to Amazon, but it’s pretty cool. They made it for people who miss the old book-buying experience.”

Sula: “Okay, show it to me.”

Ed: “Right. So, I’m going to buy this book, right? I click the Buy button and…see that little guy?”

Sula: “Sure. Where’s he doing?”

Ed: “That’s supposed to me. I could pay for an upgrade and upload my picture for the avatar. He’s getting my wallet from the bedroom. Isn’t that cool?”

Sula: “I guess. Why is he wandering around back and forth like that?”

Ed: “I’m not sure. I’ve only done this a couple of times…he’s never done that before.”

Sula: “Wait, he found something!”

Ed: “Yeah…oh, those are the car keys! I guess he couldn’t find them.”

Sula: “That’s pretty funny.”

Ed: “I like it. Now he’s going to get in the car…and there he goes!”

Sula: “I like the way the scenery looks.”

Ed: “Did you notice the stores? Egghead Software, Woolworth, Levitz…”

Sula: “What about them?”

Ed: “They are all chains that went out of business.”

Sula: “Pretty clever. “

Ed: “Yeah.”

Sula: “Ed?”

Ed: “Yeah?”

Sula: “How long does this driving part go on?”

Ed: “It’s about twenty minutes, I think. Do you want me to skip to the next scene?”

Sula: “You think?”

Ed: “Ha, ha. Okay. He’s stopping the car.”

Sula: “Is that the bookstore?”

Ed: “Gas station.”

Sula: “Oh, come on!”

Ed: “Okay, okay…I’ll skip it. You might want to watch it some time, though. A guy in a uniform comes out and cleans the windshield…and gas is thirty-three cents a gallon!”

Sula: “After we passed an Egghead?”

Ed: “They kind of mix all that old stuff up together.”

Sula: “Could you just skip to the bookstore part?”

Ed: “I already did.”

Sula; “Why hasn’t the car stopped?”

Ed: “He’s looking for a parking place.”

Sula: “Whee.”

Ed: “Wait, wait…he’s getting out now. See, he’s going in the bookstore!”

Sula: “What’s that big blue eagle?”

Ed: “Oh, that’s just an ad. I got the free version, so I see ads. That one’s for the Post Office. I guess they figured people who liked shopping in bookstores would want to buy stamps, too.”

Sula: “Now what?”

Ed: “Now he’s looking for the book. If you tap the shelves, you can see all these old paperback covers.”

Sula: “Can you buy one of those books?”

Ed: “That’s not part of the app. I think they made it so it would work on the iPad, too…no shopping in the app.”

Sula: “Is he…leaving the store?”

Ed: “Yeah…they must not have had the one I ordered. Hey, hey, hey…don’t walk off! He’ll try another shopping center.”

Sula: “How long does that take?”

Ed: “It depends. Maybe ten minutes, but he might stop for lunch.”

Sula: “You’re kidding!”

Ed: “Nope. Last time, he went to a Pioneer Chicken. One time, he went to a Hollywood Video before he went into the next bookstore.”

Sula: “This is driving me crazy!”

Ed: “I don’t get it. You used to love going to the bookstore…”



This has been a joke. πŸ™‚ The Real Book Experience does not exist, as an app. I was telling my Significant Other about someone who wanted Kindles to come with an ambient sound option…and somebody else thinking that meant the sounds of turning pages. πŸ™‚ I just extended that idea…

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in theΒ I Love My Kindle blog.


11 Responses to “The Real Book Experience (with ads)”

  1. Dave Says:

    Mmm, Pioneer Chicken!! Very funny story, good job!

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, Dave!

      I’m glad you liked it! I just picked a restaurant that was out of business, to go with that theme. Never eaten at a Pioneer Chicken myself…and now I never will. πŸ™‚

  2. Pineapple Says:

    LOL! That was cute. Can we add road construction and maybe a fender bender to our app? πŸ˜‰

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, Pineapple!


      Oh, sure…there could be a lot of little variables. There might be different versions like there are of Angry Birds. That might be in the Real Book Experience Big City. In Real Book Experience Rural, the driving part takes an hour and a half instead…and you might have to wait while some cows that have gotten out are standing in the road. πŸ˜‰

      I was once stopped in a car for quite some time because a foal was in the road…and what I presume was a parent was very distressed that we were there (rolling eyes and dancing about). We waited until the foal and parent got off the road, believe me. Another time, I was on a BART train (that’s the San Francisco Bay Area mass transit subway, basically) for something like 45 minutes in a tunnel. It wasn’t the “transbay tube” under the Bay, but on the East Bay side. A couple of people were pretty scared…as if they were claustrophobics who could keep that under control for a minute of going through a tunnel, but not forty-five minutes. It turned out a (live) deer was on the track…and it took quite a bit of persuading to get it to leave the tunnel.

  3. Lady Galaxy Says:

    Well, if he ever does find the book and purchase it, I hope the app remembers to have the antitheft alarm start wailing as he tries to go out the door because it wasn’t deactivated at the check out. That happened to me almost every time I went to Borders.

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, Lady!

      Yep…in a local Barnes & Noble, the alarm routinely went off when you were leaving the audio/video section (which had its own security gate). The employees just basically shrugged in apology, and you went through. Made me doubt the efficacy of the strategy… πŸ™‚

  4. Daz Says:

    Very funny take on the app and real book shopping experience, Bufo. Enjoyed it a great deal.

    As an aside, I have a few questions, re: self-pubbing. Is there a way I can message you directly to ask those questions?

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, Daz!

      Thanks for letting me know you liked it!

      Sure, you can just comment the About page:

      Just let me know that you want the comment to be private, and I won’t publish it. That will give me your e-mail address (it won’t be published), and I can contact you from there.

  5. K L Myers Says:

    Another fine fantasy you’ve gotten us into. I wonder whether your teachers ever accused you of not paying attention in class and found some of your responses strange, when really your imagination and intellect had expanded your thoughts beyond the classroom and subject matter of the moment?

    Regarding your Real Book Experience, I expect the ad free version would cost 99 cents. How about seasonal edtions (icy roads, radiator boil overs, and suitable scenery) and an arcade driving edition (dodging potholes,stopping for school buses and emergenciey vehicles, and obeying the speed limit).

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks for writing, K.L.!


      I tended to get along very will with my teachers…but I think your description might not be completely extradimensional. πŸ˜‰

      One of my strategies? I would sometimes ask to teach the class. I got to do that for “causes of the Civil War”…at least, leading the discussion.

      However, I do think one of the useful things I taught my kid was about taking tests (and we are both good test takers). It doesn’t just apply to that…it works for homework generally.

      I said that taking a test was a bit like a game. The game was to figure out the answer the test writer wanted…not the right answer. Often, the test writer has written the question in such a way that the correct answer isn’t the answer that person wants…and you’ll be marked wrong for being right.

      It’s okay to also write the right answer, but your official answer should try to be the one the person wants.

      That seems to work well. πŸ™‚

      I agree on the price…I was figuring that, like Angry Birds, the ad-supported one was free, the pay one was ninety-nine cents…good work!

  6. Surely, you can’t be series Says:

    […] The Real Book Experience (with ads) […]

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