Everybody’s a writer nowadays

Everybody’s a writer nowadays

Jean: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Pat: “Just a minute…I’m writing a book.”

Jean: “Okay…wait, writing or reading?”

Pat: “Writing: sh! Aaaaaannnnnndddd…done! Whew! What did you want to ask me?”

Jean: “I forget. What did you mean you were writing a book?”

Pat: “What does it sound like it means? I just finished my tenth novel.”

Jean: “I didn’t know you were a writer.”

Pat: “I’m breathing, aren’t I? 🙂 Everybody’s a writer nowadays.”

Jean: “I’m not.”

Pat: “Sure you are. We’re having a conversation, right?”

Jean: “Right.”

Pat: “You didn’t memorize what you were going to say ahead of time, right? It’s not a script?”

Jean: “Of course not.”

Pat: “There you go…you just wrote some dialog.”

Jean: “That’s not writing. That’s just…speaking.”

Pat: “Tomato, tomahto. It’s really the same thing. The only difference is that I’ve been published.”

Jean: “Who published you?”

Pat: “I did.”

Jean: “Huh. Oh, I remembered what I wanted to ask you! Can I borrow twenty bucks?”

Pat: “Yep…let me check. I can give you nineteen dollars right now…should have twenty in another minute or so.”

Jean: “How come?”

Pat: “Royalties. See, as soon as I finished writing the book, I published it. People have been buying it, and those are my royalties…yep, I can loan you twenty!”

Jean: “Cool…I don’t get this whole book thing, though.”

Pat: “It’s simple. I just wear this hat…it’s internet-connected, and it reads my mind.”

Jean: “Of course it does.”

Pat: “Technically, it’s BMI…a brain/machine interface. I think about what happens in the story, and my Hatway puts it into words, makes it available on the web, and collects the money.”

Jean: “You thought of all the words in ten books?”

Pat: “No, I told you…the Hatway puts it into words. I just think about what happens.”

Jean: “So your hat writes the book?”

Pat: “No, no, no! A hat can’t write a book. Besides, a BMI can’t read specific words. I picture the characters, and decide what they do. The Hatway uses parts of other books to put together the dialogs and descriptions and junk.”

Jean: “Is that legal?”

Pat: “Sure…it only uses books that aren’t under copyright.”

Jean: “Who would want to read a book that’s just parts of a bunch of other books?”

Pat: “Wow, you really don’t read, do you? Most books are just parts of other books. You’d be hard-pressed to find 50,000 unique words…and if you did, people probably wouldn’t understand it or like it.”

Jean: “I guess you’re right. But isn’t using a…um…hat like that sort of cheating?”

Pat: “That’s up to the market to decide…and so far, they don’t seem to be objecting. Look, either I read a lot of books, and then put the same sentences together in different order, or the Hatway does it…it’s the same thing, just more efficient.”

Jean: “I suppose. Couldn’t the Hatway do the same thing with plots? You know, find scenes and stuff and just stitch those together?”

Pat: “Now you are just insulting what I do as an author. Are you sure you don’t need $25? I just hit the bestseller list…”

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog.

3 Responses to “Everybody’s a writer nowadays”

  1. Scathe meic Beorh Says:

    Exactly right. And sad.

    • Bufo Calvin Says:

      Thanks, for writing, Scathe!

      Say, that would make a good four word book…have you considered publishing it? 😉

      • Scathe meic Beorh Says:

        It’s the title of my new novel, actually. 😉 A sequel to Not Exactly Right. But Happy.

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