In a future English class

In a future English class

Teechur14: Hi, stoodunts! This week’s grat* is bout a buk I red wen I wuz smal: The Wizard of Oz. Bleev, I red it as a buk mayd out of paper. 2day, u reed it as a ap. Hoo haz sumthing 2 say?

Stoodunt8: I red part of it.

Teechur14: How far r u?

Stoodunt8: The Tin Man, the lyon, and me r at the Wizard.

Teechur14: Gud! Hold…wayr is the scayrcro?

Stoodunt8: I cudnt get him of the pol.

Teechur14: Y not?

Stoodunt8: I wuz 2 short.

Teechur14: Dorothy shud be tal enuf.

Stoodunt8: I playd as a munchkin.

Teechur14: Y?

Stoodunt8: Mor fun. Dorothy dint no aneething. Shes not frum Oz.

Stoodunt93: Teechur14, I red the hol buk! I red it in th old Murkin.

Teechur14: I can cownt on u! Doo u no how 2 spel Murkin in Murkin?

Stoodunt 93: A M E R I C A N.

Teechur14: Gud!!! Did u hav ?s?

Stoodunt93: Buk kewl. ?  Wer Dorothy’s garsibs** seks wurkers?

Teechur14: No, thay wer farmers. Member we tawked bout farming?

Stoodunt93: Y. U gro food. I thawt that wuz onlee in open plases, not al city like Kansas.

Teechur14: Kansas wuz open in old daz. Y seks workers?

Stoodunt93: They lived in “ho use”. I thot that was seks plas.

Teechur14: Thats how they speld “hows”.

Stoodunt93: O.

Teechur14: NE1 els?

Teechur14: NE1?

Teechur14: Stoodent 11? U red buk?

Stoodent11: Y. Startd.

Teechur14: How u lik Oz?

Stoodent11: I stayd in Dorothys hows. Dunno Oz.

Teechur14: U dint want 2 splor?

Stoodent11: I dont go outsid IRL***. 2 skary.

Stoodent 43: I beet 1st bos. Hows fel on wich.

Teechur14: Y. NEthing els?

Stoodent43: I met platypussy…kat with beek.

Teechur14: I don member platypussy wen I red buk.

Stoodent43: U mus not hav unlokd. I pade 1000 koins for it.

Teechur14: K. Nks, klas. Nx week: The Odsee.

* grat = “group chat”

** garsib = “guardian siblings”…instead of “Aunt” and “Uncle”

*** IRL = “In Real Life”…that one is in use today, the other two I made up for this post

For this post, I was thinking about what happens when books become more interactive. What will an English class be like when the book is a different experience for everyone who reads it, the way that videogames are now? That’s certainly one possible way for things to evolve, although I don’t think the traditional narrative will vanish.

It was really hard to write in my revised spelling and lingo! I tried to simplify spelling, somewhat the way that Noah Webster tried in some ways to make it easier. I dropped duplicate letters, for example. I also eliminated apostrophes.

Well, I hope you had fun with that…or at least, that it didn’t make you violently ill! 😉 If you have any questions about the dialog, feel free to ask. 🙂

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog. To support this or other blogs/organizations, buy  Amazon Gift Cards from a link on the site, then use those to buy your items. There will be no cost to you, and a benefit to them.


2 Responses to “In a future English class”

  1. jjhitt Says:

    Odyessy: Hellen go2 Troy.
    Griks go2 Troy.
    Griks go home to Greez..
    Ulyssees gets lost.
    Monstrs, monstr grrls and more monstrs.
    Everone but Ulyssees die.
    Ulyssees find Greez
    Ulyssees dog die.
    Moar fightz.
    Ulyssees say “Honey, I’m hone!’

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