Judge dismisses dinosaurs’ case against Mammazon
NEW PANGAEA – February 26 225000000 B.C.–Triassic Judge Denise Jaket has dismissed a suit brought by the American Association of Dinosaurs against Mammazon, the largest mammal company in the world.
“The defendants failed to demonstrate illegal tactics on the part of the mammals. While we are sympathetic to their loss of dominance and recognize the worthiness of their concerns about future ecological impact, we can only rule on the merits of the case as it exists today.”
“Naturally, we are disappointed,” said Rex Tee, President of the AAD. “The mammals have benefited unfairly from new regulation…body heat regulation…and from changes in the global climate. They may be able to reproduce more quickly, but our culture needs the slower, traditional exploitation of dinosaurs. They may be small and seemingly insignificant now, but in time, they may develop into larger beings, perhaps even becoming bipedal like many of our members. At that point, their rapid breeding and constant tinkering with the environment may place unsustainable burdens on our planet. We plan to appeal to the Cretaceous court, although we realize that may take tens of millions of years.”
Mammazon CEO (Chief Executive Organism) Jeff Biezotherium declined to comment on the case, citing the ongoing appeals process. In an earlier interview with Charlie Cenoz, Biezotherium said:
“We don’t set out to disrupt anything. We just look for the best ways to do business. We think adaptability is key, and that has enabled us to cope efficiently with changes that others have found challenging. Doing things the old way, like lying on a sun-warmed rock to maintain your body temperature, is certainly one strategy. We prefer to invest now in anatomical structures that allow us to be more independent of external fluctuations.”
Experts we consulted for this article had mixed responses.
“It’s ironic that the dinosaurs are complaining. They conveniently leave out their impact on the trilobites and the other invertebrates. There are lessons to be learned there,” said Arthur Pod.
“I don’t think we are afraid enough! The dinosaurs based their complaint on breeding speeds and fur, but they ignored the mammals speedier and increasingly complex processors, ” warned Ted O’Saurus. “We’re already seen what they can do with their current state of physical development. Imagine what they are going to do with those increased brain to body ratios and whatever that new brain thing is they have on top of regular brains if they ever get big enough to break some trees!”
We will continue to watch this developing story.
Update: I forgot to give thanks to Edward Boyhan, one of my regular readers and commenters, who said something that in part inspired this post…thanks, Edward!
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