AFD News: Amazon Symphony launches, a “marketplace for businesses”

AFD News: Amazon Symphony launches, a “marketplace for businesses”

April 1, 2019 (AFD News)

by Augustus R. Egett

Amazon (AMZN) launched a new service today, intended to help businesses find merger opportunities.

Similar to online dating services, a company which is looking to make an acquisition, or one which is hoping to find a financial partner, posts a listing at Amazon’s site.

If a listing looks attractive, the company can send a message, and negotiations can begin.

There are a variety of plans being offered:

 

  • A flat rate plan: this is based on the size of the assets being offered
  • A percentage plan: no money is paid up front, but Amazon is given a percentage of the new company, which can be compensated as stock or as a percentage of gross income
  • One of the more unusual plans opens it up for crowdfunding. Amazon Prime members are able to pledge money in exchange for special benefits, determined by the companies

Additionally, Amazon will offer legal and other services at an additional cost.

“Amazon Symphony enabled us to find the perfect partner when we wanted to expand out pet grooming business to include pet walking and sitting services,” said Mr. Merill of Patti’s Pet Parlor.

“We had no idea how to handle the legal aspects of our merger, and Amazon was able to handle all of that,” according to a postcard we received from Bob’s Buggy Whips about their recent merger with the Carolina Carbon Paper Company.

“It’s like Tinder for corporations,” according to We Work in Our PJs.

“Thanks to Amazon Symphony, we now own pretty much all the entertainment in the world…it was well worth the exclusive third party rights Amazon got,” said Mary Kane of D (formerly known as Disney/Fox/Time/Warner/Sony/Blumhouse/Universal/Paramount/Lionsgate/MGM…)

“This has a much better risk/benefit ratio than what we were doing previously,” enthused Alexander the Great.

In perhaps the most unexpected turn of events, Amazon announced that it had acquired itself for three gazillion dollars, and would officially be known as Amazon Oroboros (although it would continue to do business under the name of Amazon).

Finally, Arbor Day was acquired by…April Fools Day! 


This is, of course, my annual April Fools Day joke! I was thinking about the Disney acquisition of Fox, and wanted to do something with that. I could see Amazon finding some way to facilitate that, in the same way that I say they want to be the “Infrastructure of the Internet”. By the way, while I would change it at this point, this was my tweet from December 15, 2017 when the Disney/Fox acquisition was first sparking real speculation:

“My crossover: Rocket Raccoon steals the Banzai Institute’s time machine, robs Mos Eisley, accidentally creating a history where Dr. Doom is President. Link Hogthrob teams with Riff Raff, using Seth Brundle tech, to set things right.”

I’d make it more diverse now, using some different characters…although I still like the basic idea.

There is actually an Amazon Symphony (I checked a few names), but as it is an actual symphony, I didn’t think this would be confusing.

Join thousands of readers and try the free ILMK magazine at Flipboard!

All aboard The Measured Circle’s Geek Time Trip at The History Project!

Bufo’s Alexa Skills

* I am linking to the same thing at the regular Amazon site, and at AmazonSmile. When you shop at AmazonSmile, half a percent of your purchase price on eligible items goes to a non-profit you choose. It will feel just like shopping at Amazon: you’ll be using your same account. The one thing for you that is different is that you pick a non-profit the first time you go (which you can change whenever you want)…and the good feeling you’ll get. :) Shop ’til you help! :) 

This post by Bufo Calvin originally appeared in the I Love My Kindle blog

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